Marriage

Married at 21…navigating the first year of marriage.

5

Okay so getting married at 21 isn’t that uncommon. However, marrying someone who is gone A LOT due to his job as an Army Ranger and then combine that with finishing school, buying a house, figure out my career, and so much more….. and it gets a little hectic.

So I wanted to give you the top things I have learned in this past year. Well now its been almost a year and a half….but you get the idea! No, I am not an expert. Actually, I am probably failing everyday in some way when it comes to my marriage. But we get through it together and we discuss how to improve things together.

TIP 1: You do not need to do everything right away. Do not overwhelm yourself, enjoy the time you have. I got caught up with the idea of growing up and doing everything. I was so set on finding a long term career. I NEEDED to own a house. We had to get a dog…because that would like completely the family. We needed to do all the remodels. We needed to buy 2 new cars. Did we really need all of this? No we didn’t. Did it bring me happiness? Sometimes..yes. Did it bring way to much anxiety? Yes. So my advice here is to slow down and not push things. Figure out your priorities, but don’t try to do everything at once. I am damn proud of everything we have accomplished in the first year, however I do wish we would have slowed down to enjoy it more.

TIP 2: Go to bed angry. Okay…maybe I am the only person who will ever tell you this. Or maybe this is just something that works for our relationship and it might not work for yours. But I like to argue, like I think I am good at arguing. I would probably make a good lawyer…or maybe a terrible one because of this. My husband, is also this super logical thinker. So when we start arguing it turns into him being super calm and thinking things through logically and then I turn into crazy woman telling him he is wrong and we could literally go back and forth for hours till were both in tears. However, if we agree to disagree and go to bed…we usually wake up in the morning with a better outlook on the situation.

TIP 3: This leads me to my third tip…communication. This whole having good communication thing is really hard and I am not even sure what this means. Me and my husband are in communication like all day everyday. He is the first person I go to when something is wrong. So when I realize we aren’t communicating well it gets really confusing. But what I mean by work on communication, is work on communicating the tough things like the “Honey, I have done laundry the past 4 weeks and I am tired of it…can you help me this week?” These things are so easy to say however, we want them to figure it out on their own and so we don’t say it and we get frustrated. Has my husband every told me no…that he wouldn’t help me? No, he hasn’t. So why I don’t ask him everyday…the world will never know! But my advice is that if you have had a long day and need help…communicate! If you don’t like the way your spouse is talking to you…communicate! If you need alone time…communicate! If your on your period and need a big bowl of ice cream…communicate!

TIP 4: Enjoy your time together. Whether its laying on the couch watching netflix, spending time with each others families, going to the grocery store, or watching that boring history channel documentary your husband is obsessed with. Just enjoy it.

TIP 5: Don’t sweat the small stuff. WAYYYYY easier said then done. Along with marriage comes shared finances, shared decisions, more responsibilities, and dependency on another person. It is so easy to get caught up in all of the small things, however sometimes you just have to let it go. So maybe your partner went out and spent way to much money that you didn’t have. Maybe one of you made a mess in the kitchen or didn’t clean up after the dog. Maybe you literally have no money in your bank account because you didn’t coordinate on your purchases. Life goes on and tomorrow brings a good day.

 

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